Letting Go

I was sitting here listening to 3 songs over and over and my mind started wandering. The songs all had the word "breakthrough" in them and they are "Another Breakthrough", "New Day Dawning", and "Lord of the Breakthrough" all by Mary Alessi.

I was just saying earlier that I was waiting on my breakthrough and after listening to these songs again I started thinking heavily. I have been praying that God would take me to a new place in Him and for the past week I have been praying for a breakthrough. I realized that I was being told what to do while sitting in church but I didn't notice it. I have a lot to let go of. There are things from my childhood, my teenage years, and things from my adulthood that I allowed to get to me. Even the smallest things such as someone lying on me in high school. I never let this stuff go and now I am suffering because of it. I now have to deal with all of those issues to get what I asked for.

I heard someone say that you have to be careful of what you ask for and I heard someone else say that letting go is hard to do. I didn't truly understand what they meant until a little while ago. I asked for a new place in God and a breakthrough, to get that I have to sacrifice something. What I have to sacrifice is my attitude and all the hate, anger, and negativity that I claimed to let go. In all actuality, I never let that stuff go, I just stuffed it under a rug and hid it in some backed up tears. I have to really sit here and forgive every person that did something to me, let the issue go and repent for holding that stuff against people. I said I don't hold grudges and I realized that I'm notorious for doing that and was in denial for years. If someone makes me mad I will bring up something that has nothing to do with the situation just so they would be just as mad if not even more mad than I was at the time.

I learned a lot about myself in those few minutes and I hope someone learns from this. I won't put all my business out there as far as who hurt me, and who I hold grudges against, that's just too much information. But if I did that to you and you just so happen to read this. Just know that I forgive you and I apologize from the bottom of my heart for holding that against you. No, I'm not talking directly to any one person, it's a general apology to everyone I held a grudge against. I would also like to apologize to everyone I hurt, I know I have a bad attitude and I say a lot out of spite just to hurt people. That is about to change though, with the help of God, it will change.

That's all I have for now. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm not sure I will get back into blogging anytime soon but you all will know if I do.

Love you much

Sista T