I was just saying earlier that I was waiting on my breakthrough and after listening to these songs again I started thinking heavily. I have been praying that God would take me to a new place in Him and for the past week I have been praying for a breakthrough. I realized that I was being told what to do while sitting in church but I didn't notice it. I have a lot to let go of. There are things from my childhood, my teenage years, and things from my adulthood that I allowed to get to me. Even the smallest things such as someone lying on me in high school. I never let this stuff go and now I am suffering because of it. I now have to deal with all of those issues to get what I asked for.
I heard someone say that you have to be careful of what you ask for and I heard someone else say that letting go is hard to do. I didn't truly understand what they meant until a little while ago. I asked for a new place in God and a breakthrough, to get that I have to sacrifice something. What I have to sacrifice is my attitude and all the hate, anger, and negativity that I claimed to let go. In all actuality, I never let that stuff go, I just stuffed it under a rug and hid it in some backed up tears. I have to really sit here and forgive every person that did something to me, let the issue go and repent for holding that stuff against people. I said I don't hold grudges and I realized that I'm notorious for doing that and was in denial for years. If someone makes me mad I will bring up something that has nothing to do with the situation just so they would be just as mad if not even more mad than I was at the time.
I learned a lot about myself in those few minutes and I hope someone learns from this. I won't put all my business out there as far as who hurt me, and who I hold grudges against, that's just too much information. But if I did that to you and you just so happen to read this. Just know that I forgive you and I apologize from the bottom of my heart for holding that against you. No, I'm not talking directly to any one person, it's a general apology to everyone I held a grudge against. I would also like to apologize to everyone I hurt, I know I have a bad attitude and I say a lot out of spite just to hurt people. That is about to change though, with the help of God, it will change.
That's all I have for now. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm not sure I will get back into blogging anytime soon but you all will know if I do.
Love you much
Sista T